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Coffee+Crumbs: Eating Popcorn in the Dark Because You’ve Earned This

Attention moms of littles who haven’t peed in private in two years:

It will get awesome. I promise you. Let me tell you what I did last week.

First, I will warn you, this might be kind of like mom porn. It may make you all hot and bothered and then you’ll find you can’t get enough of it and start craving more and fantasizing in the middle of music time at the library and googling stories late at night after the kids are in bed.  Once you find out about this whole other world, there’s no going back.

See, there’s a time coming when your kids can all be in school. People will tell you you’ll miss their cute little baby toes and the smell of their cute little baby heads, but let me tell you why older kid Sweaty Feet Smell is better than Baby Head Smell. Because the sweaty feet walk out the door.

And then you’re by yourself. (I’ll give you a minute to exhale in ecstasy. I know this is a lot to take in.)

The first time this happens, you’ll freak out. You’ll be adorable with a to-do list with little checkmarks, because you’ve been given the gift of time and you’re going to be productive and clean and run errands and go to the gym (I’ve heard people do this and see the tight asses in the carline so I assume this is a thing.).

At first you maximize your alone time and laugh while eating salads and fold laundry while catching up on television and if you work from home like me, you write ten billion blog posts and update your bio and finally return those emails. You log into SignUp Genius to volunteer at your kids’ school because even though they’re gone gone gone you still love them and don’t want the other moms to judge you for being a total slacker and you want the teacher to like you and feel like she’s probably keeping track of parent volunteerism with a chart with gold stars and the kids with the most parent stars get to be line leader more often and you don’t want your kid developing a complex about lack of line leader-ing.

This is how you start off as a school mom. You start strong. You’re parenting like a bee-yoss.

But then…  READ MORE at Coffee+Crumbs