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Top Five Funniest Posts Ever

Gut laughing is the only ab workout in which I care to partake, and today I am in the mood for some serious gut busting, tears streaming, can’t breathe laughter.  These are my very favorite posts of all time for making me laugh.  Enjoy, and for a real challenge, try reading one out loud for a friend.

I Tried on Spanx and Almost Called 911

Crappy Pictures illustrates the dressing room horror of getting stuck in Spanx.  One of my favorite lines: “It successfully turned my torso into a sausage with a too-tight casing.  And my meat filling is squeezing out of the bottom.”  This post elicited the same feeling I had when I tried on my first sports bra and ended up with my arms above my head.

A Fake Film Crew, Armpit Paste, and Spilled Beer: A Day in the Life

In my mind, I’m totally BFF with Jen Hatmaker and we hang out.  In real life, I’ll have to settle for cyber-stalking her like the rest of America.  In this post, she mentions her total preoccupation with deodorant.  I’m also completely absorbed (heh heh) with deodorant and armpit-related issues, which is why we are such good friends inside my brain.  Favorite part: when she looks in her fridge and sees one lone beer.  “Usually the respectable beverages cover it up, but there was nary a milk or orange juice jug in sight.  Just beer and mayonnaise.”

The Fart That (Almost) Altered My Destiny

This is the funniest date story I’ve ever heard, from Hahas for Hoohas.  It’s both horrific and endearing, and I’m chuckling at my computer just remembering it.  If you’ve ever had an embarrassing dating experience, this will make you feel better.  “How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is that you have to fart?”

Surviving Whole Foods

Kelley MacLean for HuffPost redefines “Namaste” in this piece about a trip to the grocery store.  I die.  Every time.  Favorite line:  “I went on a cleanse once; it was a mixed blessing.  On the one hand, I detoxified, I purified, I lost weight.  On the other hand, I fell asleep on the highway, fantasized about eating a pigeon, and crapped my pants.”  (contains a couple f-bombs, for anyone thinking about reading it out loud in front of your kids)

Just Don’t.  Unless It’s a Gift for Someone You Hate

The reviews on Amazon about Haribo’s sugarless gummi bears are incredible, and the one by Christine Torok is my fave.  It’s so funny that I’ve actually read it out loud to guests at the dinner table.  Which may make you never want to have dinner at my house.  Favorite line: “What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw.”  See?  I am laugh-crying so hard right now I can barely type.

I think these may be the top five funniest posts ever.  Can you add to this list?


image from jewelbecharmed on